I forgot I had this :D
I have come so far since then.. I now live in the Pacific NW and have been doing a year of dance training in other dance arts such as ballet and jazz.
Monday, June 6, 2011
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Typing blindly.. with -8 vision
Tonight is my last night of not being able to see without the aid of contacts or glasses.. well, at least until age related astygmatism and farsidedness come along. I don't know why I'm being so .. saddened ;.. nostalgic about not being able to see. Perhaps it's because i didn't get to say goodbye to the amazing christmas tree lights, fuzzy puffballs of color that seem to float around a tree shape. I took off my glasses to type this. I have no idea why. I remember quite a few times when I was either too lazy to put in contacts or that i couldn't find my glasses and I had to struggle with the computer. I dont need to see the keys to type, but you don't realize how many times you look up to check your work. . Right now all i see are fuzzy blacka nd white lines in the text box. I can't distinguish the B in the blogger icon.. I actually can't see the white in the blogger icon, all i see is an orange ovaly thing with some blue in it? I can't see the different tabs in my web browser. I only see fuzzy lines of color. I can't make out a single letter on thsi screen. in fact, i can't make out asingle image.. and I'm probably only 23 to 30 inches away fromthe screen. I can hardly make out the ime on the clock on top of the tv. With a lotof squinting and a preconcieve notion of time, I am able to figure it out. (it's digital with numbers that are as big as my thumb). \\ The other night I was annoyed because even though tom told me my glasses were on the nighstand (which I was standing in front of) I couldn't distinguish it and the rest of the items there. Even though he told me it was by the bottles of lotion , I still couldn't see it. Of course, I wasnt' annoyed at him. I was annoyed at my inability to see anything at all.
I can't read a book without my contacts or glasses. I can, but I have to useone eye at a time because I can't hold it close enough for both eyes to be able to focus on it.
I once tried shopping at a store without my glasses. I think I was only a -5 at the tiem and I couldn't do it. I had to put my nose right up to each andevery price tag to see it. i had to move my entire body to see one row of items on the shelves.
One night i took off my glasses as tom drove. it was SO enetertaining. everything was the same size. every single light was a giant puffball. even open and closed signs were giant puffballs of pnk and blue lights.
I'll be able to wake up in the morning and be able to see the world clearly. it'll feel natural and not dry and cloudy and crinkly like when i pass out with y contacts in.
No more frantic searching for dropped contacts in the bathroom. no mroefrantic searching to glasses when you've misplaced them. no more worrying abotu being so vulnerable to a world that you now looks so much different than what you can see in it.
no mroe worrying about sitting on your glasses. i did that a lot as a child.
no more worrying they'll fly offyour face when you do a three step turn. no more dizzying bouncing wold when you run.
I thought about the whole halo thing that some people experience. i see those adn starbursts with my contacts and glasses so i guess i wouldn't know any better any way.
no more looking down at the ground when someone is talking to you when you don't have corrective lenses on.. for fear of that lady who yelled at you when you were a kid because she thought you were making faces at her when you really were just playign a game and had to squint really hard to be able to see her. why look at their faces when you can't even see what they're doing? why gtry to look into their eyes when you cant even see them?
I tried to draw what i see.. the puffballs. they look like those floating balls from teh flowers that drift i n the air. it looks like images of the sun with blurred edges. delicate but strong.
the world is a scary place withouth corrective lenses. not being able to see, not being able to know what is really out there is scary. i found a website that has a vision simulator. i think i can adjust the image to give you a preview of the world that i have lived in for the past 25 years.
Looking around the room, I can't help butg wonder if i'll miss this. My fuzzy little world of funny shaped blobs of color.. No, I don't think I willl miss it. There are too many worries, to much frustration, too much negative emotions that I'll be leaving behind with it. Teh vulnerability that you feel, the cluminess, the insecureness, the extra care you have to take so you dont step on a sharp object or a small little dog the same color as the carpet. I won't miss the headaches from squinting, the extreemly dry eyes at night *from contacts that are way too old), the scraping feeling when you pull off that retired contact.
i will be obtaining freedom tomorrow. one of my best hidden secrets will be zapped away from me.
*pew pew pew* I can't wait for my laser eye vision!!!
I can't read a book without my contacts or glasses. I can, but I have to useone eye at a time because I can't hold it close enough for both eyes to be able to focus on it.
I once tried shopping at a store without my glasses. I think I was only a -5 at the tiem and I couldn't do it. I had to put my nose right up to each andevery price tag to see it. i had to move my entire body to see one row of items on the shelves.
One night i took off my glasses as tom drove. it was SO enetertaining. everything was the same size. every single light was a giant puffball. even open and closed signs were giant puffballs of pnk and blue lights.
I'll be able to wake up in the morning and be able to see the world clearly. it'll feel natural and not dry and cloudy and crinkly like when i pass out with y contacts in.
No more frantic searching for dropped contacts in the bathroom. no mroefrantic searching to glasses when you've misplaced them. no more worrying abotu being so vulnerable to a world that you now looks so much different than what you can see in it.
no mroe worrying about sitting on your glasses. i did that a lot as a child.
no more worrying they'll fly offyour face when you do a three step turn. no more dizzying bouncing wold when you run.
I thought about the whole halo thing that some people experience. i see those adn starbursts with my contacts and glasses so i guess i wouldn't know any better any way.
no more looking down at the ground when someone is talking to you when you don't have corrective lenses on.. for fear of that lady who yelled at you when you were a kid because she thought you were making faces at her when you really were just playign a game and had to squint really hard to be able to see her. why look at their faces when you can't even see what they're doing? why gtry to look into their eyes when you cant even see them?
I tried to draw what i see.. the puffballs. they look like those floating balls from teh flowers that drift i n the air. it looks like images of the sun with blurred edges. delicate but strong.
the world is a scary place withouth corrective lenses. not being able to see, not being able to know what is really out there is scary. i found a website that has a vision simulator. i think i can adjust the image to give you a preview of the world that i have lived in for the past 25 years.
Looking around the room, I can't help butg wonder if i'll miss this. My fuzzy little world of funny shaped blobs of color.. No, I don't think I willl miss it. There are too many worries, to much frustration, too much negative emotions that I'll be leaving behind with it. Teh vulnerability that you feel, the cluminess, the insecureness, the extra care you have to take so you dont step on a sharp object or a small little dog the same color as the carpet. I won't miss the headaches from squinting, the extreemly dry eyes at night *from contacts that are way too old), the scraping feeling when you pull off that retired contact.
i will be obtaining freedom tomorrow. one of my best hidden secrets will be zapped away from me.
*pew pew pew* I can't wait for my laser eye vision!!!
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
A Dance Tour: Friday, Oct 2
I had a GREAT weekend in Arcata with my lovely ladies of the Modrom Dance Collective. This past weekend was SO inspiring and SO much fun! I saw many awesome performances, attended inspiring workshops by Dalia Carella and spent a lot of time bonding with my troupe.
Friday
Angie, Shanti and I carpooled together. We left bright and early Friday morning. We ended up driving in shifts and we all had the chance to lay down in the back seat and nap. I'll never forget fantastic veggie sandwiches that Angie bought for us to eat along the way. There was a beautiful rest stop in the mountains amongst the conifer trees. I ended up dancing on top of a table. Unbeknownst to me, a little 3-4 year old girl was hiding behind a tree and was copying what I was doing. I saw her hiding from her family and smiling at us, but I didn't see her copying me. Shanti saw her dancing. She was the cutest little thing! I wonder if we inspired her to become a futuer belly dancer! It was at the rest stop that we all realized that we were on tour and are traveling performers. We were ON TOUR!
We made it to Eureka just in time to throw our things into our room at the Comfort Inn and change for the first workshop. From there we drove to Shoshanna's dance studio and danced a sexy oriental choreography that Dalia taught us. Kit was amazing out there. Even though she just wanted to be a part of the class, everyone was watching her. It was hard understanding what Dalia was explaining to us. Her dance vocabulary is different than Suhaila land vocabulary. I think I loved this workshop the most. Even though the choreography was harder to get into my body, I was in my element. This choreography really fit my personality. It was a lot of fun taking a class with a lot of my friends in it!
After the workshop we went to L. Rose designs for their meet & greet. With Trish's guidance, we made our way to the work-shop. I met Aroosh who made our veils and everyone who worked on our skirts at L. Rose. I finally got to meet Susan's daughter, Rachael. She is so adorable! I also got to speak briefly to Shoshanna, more than when she checked us in for Dalia's workshop earlier. We snacked on all the food that was there and went back home.
Friday night was absolutely off the wall funny. Shanti, Angie and I were going stir crazy trying to pack and repack for the next day's crazyness. We had a workshop in the morning, then a couple hours break before our performance. We kept barging in Kit and Tina's room all night, so much so, that we almost asked for our own key. Trish was so kind as to give me an Ambien to help me to get a good night's rest.
Friday
Angie, Shanti and I carpooled together. We left bright and early Friday morning. We ended up driving in shifts and we all had the chance to lay down in the back seat and nap. I'll never forget fantastic veggie sandwiches that Angie bought for us to eat along the way. There was a beautiful rest stop in the mountains amongst the conifer trees. I ended up dancing on top of a table. Unbeknownst to me, a little 3-4 year old girl was hiding behind a tree and was copying what I was doing. I saw her hiding from her family and smiling at us, but I didn't see her copying me. Shanti saw her dancing. She was the cutest little thing! I wonder if we inspired her to become a futuer belly dancer! It was at the rest stop that we all realized that we were on tour and are traveling performers. We were ON TOUR!
We made it to Eureka just in time to throw our things into our room at the Comfort Inn and change for the first workshop. From there we drove to Shoshanna's dance studio and danced a sexy oriental choreography that Dalia taught us. Kit was amazing out there. Even though she just wanted to be a part of the class, everyone was watching her. It was hard understanding what Dalia was explaining to us. Her dance vocabulary is different than Suhaila land vocabulary. I think I loved this workshop the most. Even though the choreography was harder to get into my body, I was in my element. This choreography really fit my personality. It was a lot of fun taking a class with a lot of my friends in it!
After the workshop we went to L. Rose designs for their meet & greet. With Trish's guidance, we made our way to the work-shop. I met Aroosh who made our veils and everyone who worked on our skirts at L. Rose. I finally got to meet Susan's daughter, Rachael. She is so adorable! I also got to speak briefly to Shoshanna, more than when she checked us in for Dalia's workshop earlier. We snacked on all the food that was there and went back home.
Friday night was absolutely off the wall funny. Shanti, Angie and I were going stir crazy trying to pack and repack for the next day's crazyness. We had a workshop in the morning, then a couple hours break before our performance. We kept barging in Kit and Tina's room all night, so much so, that we almost asked for our own key. Trish was so kind as to give me an Ambien to help me to get a good night's rest.
Monday, September 28, 2009
The dirty and worn down ones are the best
Dance. Harvey Edwards' photograph, Leg Warmers, is posted up on the wall of my dance studio. Every time I pass it, it catches my eye. I love that photograph. Each time I pass it, I have to stop and stare. Each time, a crooked little smile always escapes me.
I come from a martial arts background. Have you heard of the story behind the black belt tradition? Back in the old days, there were no fancy colored belts. Martial arts students were given only one belt, a white belt, that you would never wash. Over time, the belt would get darker and darker as they trained. Eventually, after enough training, the belt would become so dirty and worn, it would look black. The long hours of training, the passion, the commitment, the love of martial arts was wrapped around their waist. A dirty and worn belt was worn proudly.
There's love in that photograph. It tells the truth about a dancer's love for his or her art. The dirty shoes and torn legwarmers tell me a story of a dancers passion and the painstaking hours of commitment behind it. The dirty and worn down ones are the best.
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