Typing blindly.. with -8 vision

Tonight is my last night of not being able to see without the aid of contacts or glasses.. well, at least until age related astygmatism and farsidedness come along. I don't know why I'm being so .. saddened ;.. nostalgic about not being able to see. Perhaps it's because i didn't get to say goodbye to the amazing christmas tree lights, fuzzy puffballs of color that seem to float around a tree shape. I took off my glasses to type this. I have no idea why. I remember quite a few times when I was either too lazy to put in contacts or that i couldn't find my glasses and I had to struggle with the computer. I dont need to see the keys to type, but you don't realize how many times you look up to check your work. . Right now all i see are fuzzy blacka nd white lines in the text box. I can't distinguish the B in the blogger icon.. I actually can't see the white in the blogger icon, all i see is an orange ovaly thing with some blue in it? I can't see the different tabs in my web browser. I only see fuzzy lines of color. I can't make out a single letter on thsi screen. in fact, i can't make out asingle image.. and I'm probably only 23 to 30 inches away fromthe screen. I can hardly make out the ime on the clock on top of the tv. With a lotof squinting and a preconcieve notion of time, I am able to figure it out. (it's digital with numbers that are as big as my thumb). \\ The other night I was annoyed because even though tom told me my glasses were on the nighstand (which I was standing in front of) I couldn't distinguish it and the rest of the items there. Even though he told me it was by the bottles of lotion , I still couldn't see it. Of course, I wasnt' annoyed at him. I was annoyed at my inability to see anything at all.
I can't read a book without my contacts or glasses. I can, but I have to useone eye at a time because I can't hold it close enough for both eyes to be able to focus on it.
I once tried shopping at a store without my glasses. I think I was only a -5 at the tiem and I couldn't do it. I had to put my nose right up to each andevery price tag to see it. i had to move my entire body to see one row of items on the shelves.

One night i took off my glasses as tom drove. it was SO enetertaining. everything was the same size. every single light was a giant puffball. even open and closed signs were giant puffballs of pnk and blue lights.

I'll be able to wake up in the morning and be able to see the world clearly. it'll feel natural and not dry and cloudy and crinkly like when i pass out with y contacts in.

No more frantic searching for dropped contacts in the bathroom. no mroefrantic searching to glasses when you've misplaced them. no more worrying abotu being so vulnerable to a world that you now looks so much different than what you can see in it.

no mroe worrying about sitting on your glasses. i did that a lot as a child.

no more worrying they'll fly offyour face when you do a three step turn. no more dizzying bouncing wold when you run.



I thought about the whole halo thing that some people experience. i see those adn starbursts with my contacts and glasses so i guess i wouldn't know any better any way.

no more looking down at the ground when someone is talking to you when you don't have corrective lenses on.. for fear of that lady who yelled at you when you were a kid because she thought you were making faces at her when you really were just playign a game and had to squint really hard to be able to see her. why look at their faces when you can't even see what they're doing? why gtry to look into their eyes when you cant even see them?


I tried to draw what i see.. the puffballs. they look like those floating balls from teh flowers that drift i n the air. it looks like images of the sun with blurred edges. delicate but strong.

the world is a scary place withouth corrective lenses. not being able to see, not being able to know what is really out there is scary. i found a website that has a vision simulator. i think i can adjust the image to give you a preview of the world that i have lived in for the past 25 years.


Looking around the room, I can't help butg wonder if i'll miss this. My fuzzy little world of funny shaped blobs of color.. No, I don't think I willl miss it. There are too many worries, to much frustration, too much negative emotions that I'll be leaving behind with it. Teh vulnerability that you feel, the cluminess, the insecureness, the extra care you have to take so you dont step on a sharp object or a small little dog the same color as the carpet. I won't miss the headaches from squinting, the extreemly dry eyes at night *from contacts that are way too old), the scraping feeling when you pull off that retired contact.

i will be obtaining freedom tomorrow. one of my best hidden secrets will be zapped away from me.

*pew pew pew* I can't wait for my laser eye vision!!!